Blog Post

2am friend

Graham Foxwell • 24 July 2015

How it all started

This was a question on the radio a couple of weeks ago. Who’s is your 2am friend?

The other day I was discussing this with some of the guys at the Pub.

As I went up to the bar, I received a call from a friend whose life was falling apart and he needed someone to talk to. I went outside and we spent about half an hour chatting. By the end of the conversation he was feeling much better and able to cope more with the situation he found himself in.

The next day we met for lunch and things were still bad, but he was dealing with it much better.

So I was thinking...... just imagine if he had no one to call at that very moment when everything seemed to be crashing to the ground.

We know from the statistics I’ve already mentioned in my blogs - the consequence of situations like this for Men can be very

serious and devastating.

What is a 2am friend?

Let’s start with - what is a 2am friend?

A 2am friend, is that friend you are able to call at any time - 2am, 2pm, 12am, 8pm…. Anytime. A friend that will come to your aid at a moments notice.

These days, we seem to be too busy to be that 2am friend. We can all say, ‘just call if you need me’ and ‘let me know if I can be of help’ .

But do we really mean that, when we are called at 2 in the morning, to get out of bed and go to a friend in need? Even though we have to get up for work at 6am the next day, and have had a hard few weeks ourselves?

How far will we go for someone else, even if they call us their 2am friend, but they may not be yours?

Who is your 2am friend?

Literally today as I was writing this, I received a message from a friend in need. Was I going to be phoney in my response, or be true to my word. “ I am there for you my friend ”.

Do you have a 2am friend or friends?

As I said before, blokes are rubbish at talking. We will avoid emotional situations at all costs. We won’t phone someone up, because we don’t know what to say. Well say that “ I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you if you need a friend ”, offer practical things like a lift somewhere, a beer, a coffee, or just someone for them to shout at and get whatever pain they are going through right then, out!

And if you really are someone’s 2am friend, be prepared to get up at 2am and go fix a flat tyre, pick them up off the pavement when they’ve had mental breakdown, pick them up from the police station, or just need a friend.

The Science bit……

Did you know?

It is a known fact helping others will actually make you feel better:
  • Giving back has a physical and mental effect on your body.
  • Helping others will actually make You feel great.
  • People who volunteered and donated to charity, trigger the mesolimbic system - which is the ‘reward’ pathway in your brain.
  • This also releases feel-good chemicals and spurs you to perform more kindly acts.
  • Charitable activities lowered your stress.
  • Helping others can teach you to help yourself.
  • People who volunteer have been found to have higher self-esteem and overall well-being.
  • People who participate in volunteer work feel more empowered than those who do not.
  • People who volunteered over the last 12 months said volunteering enriches their sense of purpose.
  • People who volunteered are more calm and peaceful than people who didn’t.
  • Volunteering is a great way to promote a deeper sense of gratitude as we recognise more of what is already a blessing/gift/positive in our lives.
  • Helping others will also spur them to 'Pay Forward" and keep the cycle of happiness going.

 “Be a man”...... “Grow some”
I’m not keen on the challenge to “Be a man” or “Grow some” when a guy is going through some tough times.
But I would say to you, if you really want to “Be a Man” and “Grow Some”, be that 2am friend….. for real!

What If I don't have a 2am friend?

If you don't have anyone right now you can call or trust to be your 2am friend.... that's OK and normal. Most people are in the same position.

If you don't have any close ' 2am friends ' right now, think about joining a local group, club, sports club, voluntary organisation or faith group, and start to build up new friendships. And remember, helping others will actually make you feel better .

Think about the friends you currently have - are right for you and do they value you? You may need to make new relationships with people who do value and care about you. This doesn't mean you have to go round dropping friendships and telling them your not their friend anymore; It just means, finding new and valued friendships.

Last of all - a 2am friend can also be the many fantastic services out there, that provide 24hr support. See below or click on these links. - The Samaritans , CALM and SHOUT .

 

Please don't hold it in if you are struggling right now, speak to someone..... to your 2am friend or your GP, the NHS or one of the services above.

If you want to learn how to be a 2am friend, why not train as a
Mental Health First Aider or become more aware about mental ill-health . please click HERE for more details.

 

Thank you for reading

Please share this article or drop us a line.
Look after yourself.

Main Site


by Graham Foxwell 3 January 2025
PART II Part I can be found here Dry January - The Transformative Benefits of Reducing Alcohol - My Journey Following up on my previous blog about the transformative benefits of reducing alcohol, I want to delve into an often-overlooked aspect of this journey: the stigma associated with having an alcohol or drug problem, and also the stigma attached to being teetotal or opting for low alcohol intake. These societal pressures can make recovery and sobriety challenging, but it's time we address them head-on. I have faced this struggle myself, enduring everything from 'friendly' jibes to outright judgement from people who seem to think there must be something wrong with me for admitting that alcohol had control over my life. It can be disheartening when people don’t know how to respond when you say, "I don’t drink anymore!" Some might react with awkward silence, while others feel compelled to crack a joke or belittle you, possibly out of their own insecurities or fears.
by Graham Foxwell 2 January 2025
PART I Part II can be found here Breaking the Stigma: Navigating Alcohol and Drug Recovery, and Embracing Teetotalism  Happy New Year all! So, the Christmas and New Year celebrations are over for another year, and many of you are looking at New Year’s resolutions. One of them might be Dry January!
by Graham Foxwell 7 November 2024
Prioritising Mental Health and Wellbeing in the Workplace
by Graham Foxwell 6 November 2024
Finding Light in the Darkest Times
by Graham Foxwell 1 July 2024
Why is it so important to have different kinds of people and make everyone feel included at work? In this blog, we’ll talk about why having different kinds of people at work is important and how it helps companies do well. In today’s world, having different kinds of people at work isn’t just a trendy thing—it’s a big part of what makes companies successful. It helps people come up with new ideas and makes work a better place to be. In this blog, I will talk about why this is so important.
by Graham Foxwell 13 November 2023
This is a great video on the Ask Twice initiative. https://youtu.be/nOkH2jGK4p0?si=8L_RpzKqwkP0A6HG
by Graham Foxwell 30 October 2023
Finding the power of hope in the midst of suffering
by Graham Foxwell 3 June 2020
We all know keeping fit is good for our physical health, but did you know it is also extremely good for our Mental Health too?! Personally for me I have been really enjoying cycling during the lock down and have recently been going out with a good friend (social distancing involved 🙃 ), which has helped us both. I'm not particularly fit at the age of 53 and I am starting to fray at the edges a little bit, but the cycling has helped me not only with coping with the Covid19 lock -down, but also with everyday anxiety struggles with my mental health. Not only that, I have been getting fitter.... extending the range each time, starting at just 8 miles….. or should I say 13k cos it sounds more! 🤪 I am really experiencing the positive benefits not only physically but also mentally. So how about YOU? Maybe consider taking up some exercise during this lock-down and build it into your natural rhythm of life. It doesn't have to be cycling; It can be walking, running, dancing, Yoga, keep fit or Gym anything. Graham Foxwell @ Cedar Tree Mental Health & Well-being. www.cedartree-mhw.co.uk
by Matt Bourne 22 May 2020
A lived in experience....
by Graham Foxwell 21 May 2020
Through a number of groups, we work with, friends and family, I know many people are finding this covid19 lifestyle extremely hard. Whether you are shielding at home, furloughed, working full time or part time, one of our ‘keyworkers’ or other it is tough. You could be part of a large family unit or on you own, this covid19 lockdown will affect us all to caring degrees and in many different ways. Some are absolutely hating it and others are seeming to thrive. But one thing is for sure, everyone is affected and has had their daily routine, meaning and purpose disrupted.
More posts
Share by: